G’day, my friends!
One of the things that have been on my mind a lot recently, is how my mind works. Why is it that I feel like I constantly have to fend off my demons? (That’s at least what I call them): the suicidal thoughts, the self-hate, the tendency to revert to learned behaviors that I have allowed to continue over the years since the abuse; such as how I easily blame myself for things that are out of my control. I know to achieve your ideal self, it’s a daily fight; but when you also add mental illness into the mix, it becomes a whole new beast to battle. So, when I found this Cherokee story about the two wolves, I immediately connected with it and I thought I’d share it with you all.
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life:
“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.
”It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil–he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”
He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you–and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
How simple, but profound this concept is. It can become so easy for us as humans, to feed into our so-called “bad wolf”- that mentality that just brings us down and tells us we’re not worthy. I have had a pattern of continuously telling myself that when something happens, good or bad, it is all my fault. This is most likely because this is what I was told over and over during my abuse. And because I didn’t cope or deal with the trauma 3 years ago, I let the behaviors I took on consume me, and I began to believe them. I began to convince myself that that was my norm. It can become so easy to feed into out doubts instead of holding out hope. Something that I read in the self-help book (I’ll go back and look at which it was soon and let you guys know) is that you have to think that everything that happens is the ONLY possible way it could’ve gone. Once we can see it through that perspective, then even the bad can have a positive to it. Now, I am doing all I can to combat these thoughts, I am determined to feed my good wolf, and radically change my thought processes.
So I ask you all. What wolf will you feed today?